I’m trying to live my life now with no regrets, and being more selfish. Last night I realized that, I am a lot happier now than I was a year ago today. I may have made some mistakes a long the way, people may not have saw the real me, or I haven’t given people the chance to get to know the real me from either pushing them away or other reasons.
Last night, I asked a couple of my guys friends to honestly tell me how I come off to other people in public. The answer I was hoping for was bubbly, sweet, and caring because I feel like I am all of those things. However, one of them told me that I come off stand-offish and…in other words than what he said, tough. I would be lying if I said I didn’t think about what he said, and take in to consideration a way to change myself to become more approachable to others in public.
I do want to be more warm towards those I don’t know. I am an open person and do take in people without judgment. If only others can see that.
Happiness is coming closer to my grasp. I feel it, whether it’s school, work, or relationship (friend or boyfriend).
I don’t want a boyfriend right now because I know I couldn’t handle it. I just wouldn’t have the time to dedicate myself 100% to someone else because I need to focus on myself with school and my sister’s wedding coming up in a year and a half. I wouldn’t mind having someone to cuddle with though, staying in some nights just the two of us watching a movie and pigging out on ice cream. If a man cannot handle watching me eat ice cream, then I don’t need that man.
I just want to feel comfortable around someone again, someone I can be myself around. I’m trying to open up and be myself again to guys who are just friends to make our friendships stronger and better. I just feel like I would be judged.
I don’t know, maybe I need to make feelings known more towards people. I like upfront people, and maybe I should start practicing what I preach.
I can’t really think of anything much else to say…so I’m going to watch The Notebook, alone. Probably cry a little bit, or a lot, and cuddle with my teddy bear.