It occurred to me today that I have no idea what I want right now in life.
Work – I’m trying to work hard at the job I have now, but sometimes I feel out of place, or like whenever I try to do something at work, someone wants to do it for me so I don’t do it. Sometimes I feel like they’re trying to push me out of the way, and take over my position. Don’t get me wrong, I love where I work, and I like the people I work with, but things definitely have changed since I started working there. I feel out of place sometimes. I feel like I am judged now by a lot of the people I work with. While all of this is going on, I’m trying to find a 2nd job to help pay the bills, but I feel like if I get a 2nd job, my current employers won’t take me seriously at that job anymore and let me go.
Friends – I don’t know what it is lately, but I really want to branch out and find new people to become friends with. On Friday, my “cousin” invited me out to hang out with her and her friends, and I had an absolute BLAST! It was the same as what I do with my friends, but at the same time it was different. Her friends were so accepting and inviting, and I really feel like I should find new and different people to become friends with. I love the friends I have now, but sometimes I feel judged by the actions I take and, I won’t lie, I do judge some of the things they do too and I don’t like some of the things they do which makes me reconsider our friendship. I feel like it’s time to take some time apart from some of them.
Love – Oh geez, where do I begin with this one? I know I think too much about some of the guys that I talk to, and sometimes I come off stronger than I actually am. I really am not ready to get into a relationship right now, which should be what a guy wants. But I also don’t want to just be a fling for anyone either. I have gained so much respect for myself, I guess because I’m getting older, but I find myself taking more time to get to know a person before I even kiss them, which I like. I know it’s genuine that way. Hopefully. I know guys have needs and hey, I am human and have needs too! I’ve just become better at not giving in to those needs. I can go on and on about why I am the way I am…and slowly but surely, I am putting the past behind me, and moving on, and any guy that can respect that…would have the respect from me.
“You’ve gotta dance like there’s nobody watching, Love like you’ll never be hurt, Sing like there’s nobody listening, And live like it’s heaven on earth.” ― William W. Purkey